i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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