I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I believe in your delicious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
