Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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