My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
