You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
