I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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