Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
