That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
