I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
