I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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