is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
