it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
