are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
