I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
