so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The best revenge is premature balding
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
