i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
