Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
