You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
