Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize