What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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