i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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