perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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