I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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