google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
