my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
