Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
