You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
