I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
