During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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