omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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