so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just found a bag of teeth...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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