Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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