Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
