I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
