So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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