Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
