a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
