What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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