No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
