i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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