They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
