i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
