my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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