I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
