You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
