Buhtt sex?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
