You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
