He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
