i need an iv and a liver transplant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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