I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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