I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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