your thong is hanging out like whoa
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
