Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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