so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
