Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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