i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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