Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
