make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
