And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
third nipple confirmed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
