he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
