My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
