She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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